Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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