When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she peed on how many people?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
