I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
