i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love you. Go after that dick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
