this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
