I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
