hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
