sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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