He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
