So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
