I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
