what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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