I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
