So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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