So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
