well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
