My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
