Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize