you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
