as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
