I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think i have two assholes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
