when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Randomize
