I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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