I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
