wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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