I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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