I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i believe in u and ur pee
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
