4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
