Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
