I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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