I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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