If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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