i just had sex bonerless
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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