nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
