I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
