I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
