highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
