A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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