stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
