I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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