my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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