Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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