Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
