Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
