So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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