his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
