is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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