I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
