That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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