I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize