...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize