fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
