I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
