loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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