Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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