thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
