clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
