I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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