an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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