Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
