if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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