he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
