i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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