I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
