How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
